Podcast Transcript - Dissolution Experience and the End of the New Age
I’ve mentioned the experience that I’m going to talk about in this episode several times but never the details to it since it’s too horrifying to my mind to place myself back in my shoes and relive it. Even though the near-death Awakening mystical experience was a far more visceral experience, this one terrified me and has continued to terrify me far more than thinking about whether I actually died or not, which is very interesting as I type these words. Maybe because it was the lack of drugs or drug use at this point and how immediate the presence, judgment and activity of God could so instantly send me and by extension, anybody else, straight to Hell, actual Hell here in the living present moment of now, without any of that fire and brimstone imagery, that renders this experience as not a fun one to draft or speak about.
Just looking back at it, you would think after reading at least a hundred spiritual type works and having blasted through the Bible and sayings from the Saints and the Upanishads and the Quran and everything else I’d read, that there’s no way that God would send me to Hell, but that’s exactly what happened. And I can’t keep saying God. It was entirely my own fault and entirely my own doing, so the better way of saying it was that I’d created the opportunity that led me to this experience that left God no other option than to send me straight to Hell for an instant of time, but eternal time, since the experience was one of timelessness as well.
How could I have fallen so decisively after having so decisively seen, experienced and accepted the reality and truth of God? It’s shocking. My hands are somewhat trembling as I type this right now. I know I’ve pointed the finger at New Age type teachings as being responsible for my fall, so though I have zero recollection of the names of the works read, I will try to explain the ideas that I had acquired and held in my mind at this time and how they contributed to my downfall. The experimenter in me is also responsible and because of this, I ceased experimenting on spiritual phenomena for many years after this.
Let this be a warning ahead of time for the listener or the reader of this work. There are teachings that seem and appear to be genuine and authentic, but they are ever so subtly just a bit off, ever so subtly not truth, and ever so subtly lead one down the road to perdition. And I can say this because I experienced it. I may get flamed for this by any that practice New Age type teachings and have never been given the punishment of God that I received for thinking these ideas and thoughts and practices and beliefs, but maybe it’s because they never took them to the extremes like I did, like when I spoke about my idiot trust walk as I tested the limits of synchronicity. The point is if one takes these at first glance amazingly written teachings to their ultimate endpoint, the subtle differences, the subtle lies that are exposed the further one treads upon these paths, those that follow them as I did, may find the result is not as pleasant as at first glance.
The primary teaching that directly led to this experience is the one of self-divinity. And explaining this is difficult because the gift of faith as I read directly from the Catechism of the Catholic church in episode three of the podcast is a type of divinity, or an idea of divinity as the prize or gift of faith in God, much like the parable of the pearl Jesus speaks of. But if you’re listening closely or closely reading that sentence, it is a gift, and not something that is claimed or taken or self-proclaimed. And thus we come full circle to my book Lucifer Revealed and the discussion of the taking of the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and what was received from this and as the ancient story presents it, what all humanity received, along with what was given up, or withheld by God because of this. “That they had become like the gods,” by eating the fruit, is what Genesis tells us is the real reason God gets angry, and thus the fruit of immortality, or life, had to be removed because being like the gods had been taken by humanity, instead of given by God. I’ve also mentioned that this is what is referred to in the Gospel of John when Jesus says that thieves and robbers enter by other means, but the good shepherd enters through the gates, and that there is a guardian at the gates almost all mythology and all religions speak of in some way since the robbers may reach the gates, but they cannot enter fully by such means.
It’s all very mystical, very difficult to see and understand this stuff if you haven’t ventured this far down the Narrow Path of the mysteries of the Christ, God the Father and the Holy Spirit. I have a theory that I’ll present right now that the mystical aspects of the Bible are meant for those of us that have seen and experienced, that have been tempted as Jesus was in the desert with the use of the spiritual powers of transmutation, when the Devil tempts him to turn the stones into bread and to eat, or to call down the angels to carry him from falling, or trying to use spiritual powers or energies in magical ways. The normal practitioner of Christianity, one that lives a life of faith alone, never has these types of experiences and such temptations never come their way, for they’ve never pierced that veil of the known and the unknown beyond what the sacraments are meant to bestow upon the believer. But those that have pierced through, and especially in this modern age but still very much alive throughout the pages of the history of the Bible and the world, those that have pierced through, especially through drug use, are the robbers and thieves that have arisen to the loftiest of places mentally, but have not actually traversed through the Narrow Path to find or be blessed with it. And thus, for the drug using mystic, if it can be seen within the microcosm of the self, the story in Genesis becomes the story of the self having reached for the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and acquired it without God’s permission, and thus the fruit of life and immortality is withheld or removed, even if you’ve already been baptized since you’ve literally undone the baptism that washed away the Original version of this that occurred to humanity at whatever unknown mystical time it occurred.
I know there’s different ideas regarding this within different sects of Christianity, of whether salvation can be lost or not. I’m not going to sit here and say yay or nay for anybody other than myself, but since I came to understand that reaching this interior holy place where I witnessed God as a complete sinner was the taking of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, I do believe that one can lose their salvation, primarily if they’ve already seen and experienced what can be called divine. If you know any of the inner theology around the Devil, or the reason why the Devil is cast out eternally, you will see the similarity to what I’m trying to illustrate here. Only difference at least in that case is that since the Devil was an eternal being the choice to turn away from God was an eternal choice, where even if we gained salvation through baptism, experienced God, and turned away from God, we are still capable of receiving forgiveness if we turn back to God, for we are mortal. The other reason for this distinction in my mind is that as opposed to those that haven’t had any spiritual experience and rely entirely on faith, if they falter, they have nothing to fear since they have no actual experience of the reality of God beyond that faith. But if you have had experience, and have seen already, then to turn from this is a super giant big no-no on the level of the Devil turning away from God.
Thus the story in Eden and Genesis doesn’t just begin the story of humanity in the Christian idea or worldview, it also begins the story of those of us that took the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, or reached for divinity on our own before having it gifted by God through the walking of the Narrow Path of the Christ, regardless of whether we were aware of what we were doing at the time, like through drug use.
Again, difficult stuff to explain and probably to hear or comprehend. And I can offer little to no recourse unfortunately. You either know what I’m talking about because you’ve either been there or you are there, now as you’re listening or reading this, and you’re realizing that the fount of your spirituality comes from reading some cool stuff online or from a couple of You Tube videos, or from a book Oprah recommended, or like me, from seeing some crazy shit while doing drugs. Or you have no idea what I’m talking about. Plenty of myths alongside the opening of the Bible that speak of the punishment given by the gods to those humans that try to scale Mount Olympus for instance.
So let me at least try to discuss this idea of self-divinity as I understood it from the reading of New Age type texts so that perhaps what I’m alluding to can become a little bit clearer. That Jesus himself says that we are like the gods is the oft quoted verse that I came across in these works that spoke of realizing our own self-divinity. Yet the entire lesson of Jesus found in the mysteries is that though fully God, he emptied himself of the fullness of that divinity to become man, specifically so that he could follow the will of the Father as a man. Let’s dive deeper.
When you become Christian, especially in the Catholic Church, if you’re a baby when baptized obviously you’re not conscious in the sense that we’re conscious when we get older of the words used in the prayers, but that’s why there’s the confirmation sacrament, so that you accept the baptism as a fully conscious person. But in the prayers for confirmation, just as during Baptism, just as in the Nicene Creed, what is being acknowledged? That Jesus Christ is the only Son of God. The very act of doing this, negates, relinquishes, releases the person from the Original Sin as most clearly spoken of and taken up by the Church ever since St. Augustine explained it. How is this achieved? By acknowledging Jesus Christ as the only Son of God, in a mystical, eternal, universal way, we are saying as well that we are not gods ourselves, and are thus acknowledging the sovereign nature of God the Father, through the mortal expression of Himself as the Son, Jesus Christ.
It’s strange stuff I know but the only way to explain further is to contrast this with the New Age type teachings that have permeated throughout the modern world and aren’t really called New Age anymore, but twenty years ago that’s what these types of teachings and interpretations were referred to as. The Mysteries are very clear. Jesus says we are like the gods, Jesus says that in the coming Kingdom we will be like him, adopted children of the living Father, but Jesus only says this after his temptation in the Desert when he’s renounced all spiritual powers that activate or enable one to control reality. If one has not gone through this process of the Desert of the Soul, or the walking of the Narrow Path, and one is engaged in these spiritual practices, then one is using essentially the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that conferred upon humanity a likeness to the gods and is thus denying the ultimate sovereign nature of The Father by claiming their own divinity through their own freewill. The theology of the Devil should be chiming in your mind after that last sentence.
For further proof of this, you have to venture out of the canonical works in the Bible and into the Books of Enoch. Whatever your idea about this work in the present moment is must be placed aside so that you can see it in the context of the time of Jesus. The work had been seen as holy and inspired back then. I think if I remember correctly, several copies of Enoch were found in the Qumran tombs of the Essenes where the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found. So the ideas found within this work were the ideas present in the minds of those that came before Jesus, those that came after, and most likely Jesus himself. In it, it says that the lawlessness that God refers to in the Bible in the start of the Noah story, or the reason for bringing the flood, is all manner of esoteric magical practices like divination, soothsaying, fortune-telling, etc, that were taught essentially by angels, evil angels, to mankind. And if you interpret this beyond the classical idea of angel or devil, they were all spiritual practices that had been discovered or channeled and used by human beings, and such things would actually continue to plague both the Israelites as well as all the ancient world and even right on up to today, even after the flood.
Again, regardless of your belief level in such things, such things were believed to be true and possible throughout the pages of the Bible and across the entire ancient world. If you go way back to King Saul I think it was, he consults essentially a witch to raise the spirit of the dead prophet Samuel since the King is desperate for answers from his now dead former prophet. And this witch was capable of achieving this, which alone should be an eye-opener if you’ve never bothered to read the Old Testament or have forgotten this story from Sunday school.
There was also the strange Urim and Thurim divinatory medals or stones or medallions that were on the breast plate of Aaron and beyond that provided some sort of yes or no divinatory 8-Ball of knowledge response to the high priest of Israel. First thing that popped in my mind when I read that with new eyes was why did Aaron need these when Moses was still present with the people and was speaking to God on their behalf? Considering some of the other strange things in the text of the Old Testament and the different epochs of composition scholars have been able to identify, seems like an easy editorial addition to my mind during the priestly editorial time period to give credence to the divinatory practice the high priests had now become addicted to after their contact with Persia and the high divination that Persia possessed, and further, the reason why the prophets in the Bible were constantly thrashing such practices to bits.
So, the modern idea of being self-divine or realizing your divinity, which as you can see, isn’t really a modern idea, is that understanding the concept and bringing it into your conscious mind will awaken the divine consciousness within and thus grant one divinity. Or rather, kind of like Plato or one of the other Greek philosophers taught, I can’t remember exactly which one, but that ancient philosophical idea that we learn nothing in life and what we are actually doing is remembering what we already knew somehow in the pre-existent past or by piercing through to seeing and understanding the archetypes of existence. Those familiar with the Gnostic texts will see the similarity to this idea, remembering that we are light beings or a fragment of the eternal that has been speckled across the face of the Earth and the act of remembering this through gnosis, releases this enchained speckle of the eternal from the mortal and returns it to the eternal upon death. Much the same is taught in the Eastern religions though with different language and variations of course.
But the West, to my eyes at least, seems to have always been far more obsessed with humans, especially humans of high station being called gods. The Pharaoh’s of Egypt considered themselves gods. Caesar after his death was called a god and then all Caesar’s afterwards were also seen as living gods. This might also by why in the Old Testament Moses himself is referred to as God in a couple instances that can be real head scratchers when you come across these passages if they haven’t been edited out in a weak translation. Several of the Greek Philosophers, especially Pythagoras was seen as a god after his death, and as I stated earlier, the Catechism of the Church even teaches that there’s a type of divine life that is achieved or lived or blessed upon when one enters the Kingdom of Heaven or has experienced the Beatific Vision that could be seen and or renders such a person as being a type of god since such a person is now placed in Heaven, just with a different name in the Church, as that of a Saint.
I’m trying to lay each of these things so that you can see the subtle differences that I was referring to. While living, being called a god, or after death, being called a god or a Saint. Being born into royalty and somehow automatically being conferred with the title of god, or having lived a rigorous life of devotion and study as Pythagoras or St. Anthony of the Desert, and in turn, those generations afterwards calling them a god or a Saint. Smoking some dope and seeing the invisible realities and suddenly you’ve become a self-help guru that has self-realized divinity, or constant daily meditation and the rigor of a devotional life and abandonment of the spiritual powers to receive the mystical experience as blessing and gift that essentially accomplishes what all have spoken of as the prize of spirituality. Or as Jesus puts it: many will choose the wide-open path, few will follow the Narrow Path.
Again, I can speak on this because I’ve gone through both. As soon as I started coming across the ideas found in these works, and realizing I’d seen what I’d seen and experienced what I’d experienced, and that the overwhelming majority of people I spoke to, along with the overwhelming majority of the works I’d read with authors that never spoke of their own personal experiences, I realized I’d encountered something rare, and since rare, valuable, and since valuable, high and lofty, and since high and lofty, exceptional, and since it had occurred to me, thus I was each of these, and since each of these, it meant that in reality, I existed on my own as my own self-made divinity, and since I was my own self-made divinity, the thought that began to form in my mind was that I no longer needed God the Father, since as my own god, why was I continuing to pray to this imaginary God the Father?
I had healed myself and others. I was manifesting empty parking spots in crowded supermarket parking lots before I showed up. I would dream or meditate of experiences and then experience them in a way. Not always exactly what was meditated or dreamt, but enough to where I could make the connection to what had been experienced. I was in complete control of my thoughts by this point and had conquered that impressionistic empath effect I mentioned in an earlier episode and capable of not only detaching my thoughts from the swarm of voices surrounding me in a crowd, but also not thinking anything in my mind other than the periodic thought of returning to the state of emptiness of mind when I caught the mind wanting to wander and attach itself to whatever mental stimuli it was trying to attach itself to, and obviously the awareness of all of this occurring.
That early succor I had of God being with me, God helping me, God showing me, God leading me, was instead slowly morphed and changed into I was being with myself, I was helping myself, I was showing myself, I was leading myself. Again, subtle differences. We all have goals. We all have tasks or things we need to get done, and it’s not like if I pray that my dishes get washed that they magically just start getting washed or anything silly like that as a sign of God’s imminent favor, especially for something silly like that. If I want to take my girls to Disneyland, it’s not like all I have to do is think it and we’ll all suddenly teleport there. Many sequential actions have to occur, including the nexus of it, thinking of doing it. The subtlety I’m speaking of is more of an attitude, a personal idea of what’s occurring all around you. I spoke very in depth of the reality in our mind being reflected in the reality outside of us and vice versa, but there’s just that taking this too far point that we can reach within our mind from such teachings that starts to take one off the path of reality and into these ancient types of spiritual pitfalls.
And then of course the other side of the coin when there are those that find themselves relying on such things as fortune-telling and divination, these physical external manifested world attempts at controlling nature and destiny and karma and each of those types of concepts that are all attempts at speaking of the same thing. Relying on the fortune-telling of another can become just as much of a stumbling block as believing that you are the fortune-teller since they are two sides of the same coin.
Again, very difficult to describe this. I have my notes during this time period of the experiences I’ve had, but I didn’t understand any of this back then. I’m giving it to you as I’ve come to understand what occurred to me, and what the primary idea in my mind was that led to my downfall. It didn’t happen instantly. It takes time. And again, I wish I had the dates for these things so I can be exact, but I’m being honest that I don’t so you don’t think I’m just trying to insert something to sound cooler when in fact I don’t know. But I said my near-death experience was some time end of March beginning of April 2001, well this Dissolution Experience was somewhere around the same time frame in 2005. It might’ve occurred more towards the end of February though, but something about the ending of Winter and the beginning of Spring seems to bring about the spiritual experiences for me in full force, almost as if during these times I’ve been in tune with the cyclical flow of nature on an internal basis, just as pretty much all religious ceremony has timed their ceremonies in tune with nature as well.
So, whatever day it was, I’d reached the apex of this “I’m in charge of my entire reality mindset,” and thus was in truth my own god and that God was just the idea to help humanity reach this internal place of self-supported superiority and universal control through the mental faculties. But that once reached, the idea of a supreme sovereign God the Father was no longer required and if not let go of, would become it’s own stumbling block in the mind. I think what had happened, since I was of two minds then of course, one side still praying the prayers and seeking the love of the Father and being devotional, and then the other side was experimenting with all these different spiritual powers I’ve mentioned I was dabbling with. And I think I had prayed for something to God and since it hadn’t instantly occurred I was angered, because then I mentally focused on it or maybe on something else, since I’d usually change the variables slightly in my experimentations, but through the mental/meditational focus, it manifested for me. And this experience drove me to jump off the middle ground of both sides and experiment further.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed in my apartment. I think I’d been reading since I had a nightstand and I was sitting close to this, but I was seated and in thought. And this is an approximation of what I thought inside of my mind. “God, over these last few years you have aided me in several different areas of my life, while neglecting my prayers in others. I do not understand this, but I find I no longer need you. I no longer need to pray to you since it usually fails to produce any results. I have mastered the power of my mind to see things and bring them into reality and because of this, I can subsist on my own. So leave me be. I know you’re there, but you’re not as powerful as you appear and perhaps all you are is the first human being to have realized his own self-divinity and by assuming the first place, have remained in the same position throughout all time. I don’t know, but I don’t need you anymore. I can exist on my own. Leave me be and I will leave you alone and won’t bother you with my unheard prayers any further, since my own prayers and thoughts by the power of my own mind, produce greater results.”
I stood up from my bed and walked out of the bedroom towards my bathroom. I was in a one bedroom apartment, so when you exited the doorway to the room, there was another doorway to the left that went into the living room area, but if you stepped forward further, there was the bathroom sink and to the right of the sink, the toilet and bathtub. What I’m trying to express is the number of steps before the chastisement came. I’m picturing it in my mind and it reminds me of the super cool five point heart burst move Uma Thurman, The Bride, lands on Bill at the end of Kill Bill vol 2, and dangit, I’m referencing another Tarantino movie. At least it wasn’t Pulp Fiction again I guess. I’m picturing it in my mind and it was five to six steps. I know when I fell to my knees I had one foot on the linoleum at the foot of the sink and one foot still on the carpet in the little hallway between bedroom and bathroom, so it was about five to six strides from edge of the bed to this spot.
The reason I couldn’t move any further, why I couldn’t take another step further was because I suddenly couldn’t form the thought to take the step and essentially couldn’t remember how to walk. As I tried to formulate the thought to tell myself to take the next step, trying to think of each of the letters and sounds for each of the words was like Sisyphus trying to roll his stone up the hill in Tartarus and failing to do so. I was simply unable to. I couldn’t think of a word. It was there, like some shadow thought that I knew was in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t bring it to the conscious foreground of my thought. Kind of like when I described sleep paralysis, where you’re looking at yourself, telling yourself to move your legs but they won’t move, but take that even further to where thought is no longer able to form. It was like a typewriter or going even further back, like a telegraph in my mind instead of a computer as I tried to think of a thought. The entire word or concept wasn’t instantly flashing into my mind and I had to think of each letter of the word, and then hold the letter in my mind as I started the same process with the next letter and then the next word in an attempt to form a simple sentence in my mind. The mental exertion of this was extraordinary since I had to focus on holding the word just formed in my conscious thought as I fought to form the mental image of the next letter to the next word. Like holding something up against a wall as you fumble to pull a piece of tape out to tape it, or you fumble to pull out a thumbtack from a little box of thumbtacks while not dropping what you’re holding against the wall.
I managed to think of the thought of what is going on and I can fight this, I can do this, when it was as if in response, a small voice responded. “Yes, you are powerful in your word thoughts, but can you do that and hold reality together at the same time?”
The easiest way to describe what I felt next is through superheroes. An X-men character. Kitty Pride, or Shadowcat, with her power of being able to walk through walls and floors. It’s not that I started sinking through the floor or anything, but the sensation of the physical floor beneath my feet was no longer felt. Or perhaps another way of explaining it would be scientifically: the normal force that exists between everything and creates that space between the experience of physicality and keeps separate things separate or something like that, was no longer there. The floor was there beneath me, but it was no longer felt, kind of like what astronauts must feel in the weightlessness of space and the image of this, weightless in space, is exactly what began to form in my mind and terrified me since I technically wasn’t in space even though we technically are in space, but was in my apartment. I say began to form, because if you remember, thinking had just become a Herculean task, and thus I assume this image was placed in my mind to further the chastisement, because I felt like I was suddenly in a state of suspended animation. Because as soon as this image entered into my mind, the terror that engulfed me because the constant feeling was that the entire ceiling was going to come crashing down upon me would not leave my mind and I even remember putting my hands, palm upwards above my shoulders, like when doing a shoulder press at the gym, because it felt like I physically had to hold up the reality of the space within my bathroom above me to keep the ceiling from crashing down upon me, while at the same time realizing that I was doing this with no floor to ground myself upon since the sensation of floor wasn’t beneath my feet.
“Impressive,” the voice in my mind said. “But can you accomplish all this as well as holding your body together and continue to exist like this for the rest of your life?”
It felt like my body began to tear apart at the seams. The microscopic image of a cell entered into my mind and it was as if the nucleus within the cell became watery and then burst the cell apart. My mind went to the next one and I focused on it to stay inside of it’s cell wall telekinetically, and then slowly, like a director panning a camera out, more and more and more cells came into view, with each of them quaking and shaking as they entered into their eruptive state and try as I might to focus on them remaining intact, five, ten, twenty, a hundred, it was nothing compared to the sheer number of cells that came into view in my mind and it felt as if my hand or arm, I can’t remember exactly, I just saw flesh, was unravelling like a ball of yarn as these cells continued to explode.
Even though they’re the only horror movies that carry any legitimate weight in my mind, I can never watch the first two Hellraiser movies again, or at least the chain scenes, because when I watched them again after this experience, terror gripped me to the bone from the memory of this moment.
I don’t know how long I stood or crouched in this position, feeling like the laws of reality had suddenly evaporated and the feeling of floor no longer existing on the bottom of my feet and feeling as if I were falling down a bottomless pit; the feeling of space between me and the ceiling above no longer separated and the weight of the ceiling above pressing down upon me and the feeling of each and every one of the cells in my body bursting and the flesh on my body coming undone like silken noodles. Like I said, it felt like an eternal moment of timelessness. Even though I know in linear time it was probably only like a minute, it felt like it went on forever and ever since obviously, another of the elements of reality had been stripped away and that was the very feeling of time or the passage of time itself.
Be careful what you wish or pray for, right? For God had heard my prayer and thoughts and had granted it. An existence without Him, the very definition of Hell itself, and this is a taste of what that actually feels like. Eternally. Kind of sucks though. Why not grant all those awesome prayers of gimmie, gimmie, gimmie if God really wanted to get my attention and gratitude and love? But no, this is what I got.
Unable to hold all reality as reality any further by the power of my superior mental capabilities I’d falsely come to see as a sign of my own self-realized divinity, I collapsed to my knees and instinctively did what I knew I needed to do: plead for forgiveness. And just as the chastisement of God can be instantaneous, so too the mercy of God, for once that inner will turned away from thinking I could accomplish existing on my own and then trying to exist on my own, to realizing the impossibility and stupidity of it, I began to fall to my knees. If you can picture it in slow-mo, by the time my knees hit the floor, there was the feeling of floor again, the feeling of the space between the ceiling and my head, the feeling of my hands, the ability to form thoughts and words and all was literally back as the experience of reality as reality is experienced.
“Now I know my error oh God,” I prayed, aloud I think even, which if you remember I said is super incredibly rare for me to do. “I cannot exist without you. You are God and King alone, and I do not want to exist or attempt to exist on my own ever again and I thank thee for thy chastisement and thy mercy. I pray that I never experience what thou has shown me today, again. Thou art great and I am but a speck. I ask thy forgiveness.” And yes, I was using thou’s and thy’s and thou art’s since I like the old-school language compared to the contemporary.
Terrifying experience is it not? The immediacy is what always gets me when I remember this. At least the astronaut floating around in space knows there’s nothing beneath or above them. They’re just floating. The terror or fear they have of course is of their line cutting and they plummet back down to Earth or something. But to know that there is floor beneath one’s feet and space between one’s head and ceiling and yet not know or feel that there is floor and feel as if the ceiling is pressing down upon the self and that one feels like they’re floating above the ground while the ground is still there is an entirely different matter.
And thus, the reason for the name the Dissolution Experience, for it dissolved any and all concepts acquired regarding one’s own, or my own, self-realized divinity as being something that meant that it was entirely on my own or of my own doing and without the gift or blessing of a sovereign God the Father.
And I will break from the general flow of this season of podcasts and jump to explain this experience as I came to understand it thirteen years later in 2018 after my more recent mystical experiences.
I’ll use science again to try to explain it.
God is often compared to many things as a means of explaining His closeness to us. God is like this, or God is like that. Or the Spirit is like this, or the Spirit is like that. One of those comparisons is the Spirit is like the air, everywhere yet invisible and constantly with us since we breathe ceaselessly. But a more modern concept, well I guess not that modern anymore since it was conceived some time ago now, but a more apt quality or power of the universe to compare God to, based on this experience that I experienced, would be that of gravity. Since hopefully, you understood that what was removed from my experience of reality was gravity. That God is like gravity. Invisible, yet present within and without all things, pressing upon and holding together all that is.
Now, I have no idea if science has contemplated gravity in the internal of the microcosm of the human being, but this experience showed me that gravity, whatever the minute details of its force or power or however it’s referred to in science, gravity works within the mind and is the glue within thought and memory that allows thought and memory to stick or glue together. So removing gravity, just as science says, or removing God, just as all religions say, would literally tear apart the very fabric of reality. Perhaps this is why gravity has not been able to be combined yet with the other laws of science pertaining to the theory of everything? Since they’re still trying to leave God out. I don’t know.
So, what led me to consider that this experience I had, or that which was removed from my experience of reality, was gravity? I mentioned my dream or vision of the woman that called me and asked me a series of weird questions and then I never heard from her again, and that I had a similar dream later on and was able to match it to one of the myths of antiquity. Well, after writing down that dream and having my mind explode when I realized the myth that had been created to explain this particular dream or experience, I was contemplating what other experiences I had that could be compared to or seen within other myths, legends or stories. But I had to go to work, and I’ll tell you how the realization came to me through synchronization.
This Dissolution Experience obviously being one of my primary spiritual experiences, I had recalled it and had it in my mind as I was driving down towards the freeway to start my commute to work. I had just passed Lincoln street, driven past the McDonald’s that’s on the corner and hit the traffic that always starts right there as you crawl your way to the freeway entrance. I think I was next to the Denny’s that’s in this shopping area when a big-rig drove by. And I saw and read the logo the company uses and I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped and I screamed out a, “Holy shit,” or a “Por Dios Santo,” or any other cry of exclamation, followed with a, “What else are you going to show me on this day?” when I read that logo because if seeing the myth of old in my dream from the night before hadn’t exploded my mind, seeing the myth that I now knew must’ve been a similar experience some poor dumbass like myself had gotten him or herself into in the Greek land before time, was a nuclear warhead dropped into my head. The name of the trucking company was Atlas.
And if you don’t remember the myth of Atlas, his punishment for defying Zeus in the battle between gods and titans in the classical Greek myths was that the entire world was placed upon his shoulders and that he forever had to hold it up. The entire weight of the world can easily be seen as an ancient expression of the modern scientific expression of gravity. This was considered a type of hell that had been placed upon Atlas. Hopefully you can see the connection between that ancient Greek myth and the Dissolution Experience I just described. If not, then I guess I just suck at explaining these things, which I suppose can be forgiven since all say it’s ridiculously difficult to explain such things.
And I will leave you with that to ponder upon.
I hope you are enjoying this rabbit hole that I am taking you down and into. What further mysteries await? Until next time.
If you have yet to visit logosofexperienceandtruth.com and born witness to and made the connection of the near thousand images portraying what is seen during the mystical vision throughout all time, all peoples, all cultures, all traditions, the visual representation of the epitomes of science and all religions, make sure to visit and see and judge for yourself if what is shown equals my claim to experience and truth, and that which potentially unites all the deeper hidden invisible mysteries of humankind.