Logos of Experience and Truth

Unlocking the Mysteries of the Beatific Vision of God


Season 2

Episode 18 – Spiritual Contraction and Growth
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Logos of Experience and Truth
Episode 18 - Spiritual Contraction and Growth


Transcript Ebook


Spiritual Contraction While Being Tested in the Desert of the Soul

This episode speaks of the aftermath of the previous Dissolution Experience which was spiritual contraction. Every journey has a return. There is growth and decay. When one climbs a mountain, they have to climb back down. The same applies to the propaganda around expanding the mind (which is what I was doing endlessly prior to the Dissolution Experience.) One cannot expand the mind indefinitely and in all directions. There has to be a contraction or a focus for the expansion to take root.


Expansion could be seen as the horizontal X axis and contraction could be seen as the vertical Y axis. Both are needed to truly understand and master something—anything—that one is pursuing. This applies to spiritual teachings, lessons, exercises as well. To constantly expand the mind and to never contract into a focus is to become an expert in nothing. But one has to choose to contract and focus on something and in this day and age, has become a challenge with so many different paths to take upon the journey of the ascending soul.


Click to Read Transcript



  • Book burning after the Dissolution Experience (01:55)
  • This spiritual contraction is the phase I’ve called the Desert of the Soul (03:04)
  • Marriage in the Catholic Church (03:39)
  • Marriage retreat at a monastery (05:16)
  • Reasons why not to get married in a Catholic Church (06:17)
  • Sacrament of Reconciliation experienced during this retreat (08:21)
  • Realizing my exposure to the works of St. John of the Cross without realizing that he was a Catholic saint (09:41)
  • Purchasing the works of St. John of the Cross and a Rosary at a Carmelite monastery during my engaged marriage retreat which would be my study and practice over the next four years (11:53)
  • The reason to turn away from spiritual visions as taught by St. John of the Cross (12:33)
  • Finding true faith by ceasing to see the Near-Death Experience spoken of in episode one and two as the basis for my faith in God (14:29)
  • My initial reaction to praying the Rosary (15:47)
  • Difficulty in the Apostle’s Creed especially during Mass (17:25)
  • The only Hail Mary I knew at the time was Tupac’s (19:07)
  • Strange new reading habits forced into my mind while reading St. John of the Cross (20:00)
  • Reading was like taking Benadryl and would instantly put me to sleep (22:07)
  • Experiences of spiritual warfare (24:02)
  • It was during the reading and contemplation of St. John of the Cross that my book Lucifer Revealed was born (24:37)
  • Reading these works created the idea that I was being punished (26:16)
  • Finding that spiritual growth requires a testing phase when God hides His face which I’ve called the Desert of the Soul means one has actually gained progress along the path (26:54)
  • My timeline has me in the year 2008-2009 and something about these changes of reading and thought led to a sort of spiritual revival that didn’t last (29:32)
  • The spiritual revival didn’t last due to having entered into the Desert of the Soul where temptations occur (30:05)
  • I was too blind then to see the signs or didn’t want to see them back then (32:28)
  • When the pull towards writing began to wane (33:29)
  • After years of feeling like I hadn’t heard spiritual direction from within, I hear a small voice telling me to do the opposite of what I wanted to do (34:25)
  • What my book Lucifer Revealed lacked back in 2013 is the reason the inner guidance was telling me to shelve it versus what it is now: namely not knowing the form and image of the Vision itself (36:18)

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