Logos of Experience and Truth

Unlocking the Mysteries of the Beatific Vision of God

podcast Transcripts

Podcast Transcript - Fertile Soil

Welcome back to experiencing the Logos of truth and knowledge.

This will be the final episode of this deep dive into many different aspects of the mysteries of Christ, and yet, still in my mind it is just an introduction.

There are reasons for this especially if you’re a beginner in the search for truth and wisdom from the mysteries of this, the mystic walking upon the narrow path of the Christ.  Though many of the things I’ve spoken about are deep dives into many of these metaphysical and highly interesting questions there are many other topics I’ve only brushed upon in relation to the first mystical experience I described as the Ascension to the Temple of the Father.  The specific reason for this is I didn’t want to explain everything learned and gained from this experience since it did occur seventeen years after the very first Awakening experience.  And my plan is to unfold how much of a noob I was in regard to these mysteries at the onset of that experience and how knowledge of everything that had occurred was given and or fulfilled in the Ascension to the Temple experience and then brought to further depth and fruition over the next few months until my next set of mystical experiences.

Speaking about all of this in this manner is bringing up what I want to talk about in this final episode since I’ve had several days now to think about it.  I think this episode will feel and sound much different than the previous ones and even as I outline and picture myself speaking inside of my mind, it seems a weird way to end the series of talks but then in another way, perhaps it won’t be.

So, I had an incredibly lively, rich and energetic ping-pong back and forth conversation with my wife regarding the previous episode, while I was in the maybe. . .I don’t know. . . second draft stage of outlining it and had simply struck up a conversation with her if she knew about Pascal’s Wager or not. She said she’d never heard of it and then I spoke about it in relation to the search for the true self and that the true self is what is made in the image of Christ and basically everything I spoke about in the previous episode, though since it was still in the second draft stage and was kind of like the journal entry I read you and was pretty much still raw in my mind and not as filtered or thought out prior to when I step to the mic and start talking.

So, when I say energetic conversation that’s obviously a nice way of saying borderline argument, or at least that’s what I kept asking myself if this was an argument or not.  But really, she was just deeply questioning what I was talking about and deeply imagining herself listening to my podcast and what she would have thought to herself had she heard some of the things I had just said to you.

Now, this is somewhat unfair on both her part and my part as well since she hasn’t listened to any of these podcasts since they’re not complete yet.  So where you dear listener may have heard me speak for over six hours and built up the concept of the true self ingrained with my logic and dipped within the mysteries and most importantly, have heard me with as much compassion address that I understand how hard it is to see some of these truths at least if one is suffering, or in a state of suffering and that the words or ideas may not be words or ideas one is ready to hear.

I’m pretty sure I juxtaposed this with the parable of the sower and the seeds, that the seeds have to land on good soil, or they get eaten by birds or choked by thorns.  If there’s an underlying purpose of my speaking of these mysteries is to help others understand how to make their mind fertile soil for those seeds of truth from the Christ to take root since as I’m stating clearly throughout, there is a process of this: the dying to oneself in order to be spiritually reborn in Christ.  That’s literally the purpose of meditation and contemplation and the various spiritual exercises.  Sure, on the surface, it’s to feel temporarily good, temporarily to clear one’s mind for instance if one’s mind is overwhelmed.  But the goal of it is to enact lasting change.  Like I said, in regard to the Lenten season when it finally got me to actually change instead of only change from between Ash Wednesday until Easter.  There’d been a decade of Lent’s between that with only the temporary change when the seeds had fallen on dry soil and the birds either swallowed them up or they were choked by the thorns.

So, it’s not like I don’t understand where she was coming from or what she was trying to express regarding how she felt hearing what I was talking about.  So, I will try to explain and expand on this since in my mind I’m brainstorming these types of things and writing these things out and speaking them into a microphone, uploading them, podcasting them for a target market just like any business would try to define their target market.  But even though what I speak about is very specific to the mystical understandings of the mysteries of Christ, it also revolves around Catholicism, Christianity, along with many other orbiting topics like history, science, theology, philosophy, etc.

I’m aware that more than just my target market would potentially be interested in what I have to speak about.  But she spoke about her own target market, her own idea of a specific person wanting to listen to what I have to say for whatever reason they may have and being either upset or frustrated or giving up before even starting is the only way I could see it, due to specific and yet obvious facts regarding everything I’ve spoken about, many of which I’ve already mentioned but will still be worth mentioning further I think because what she said struck me to my core of course since she’s my wife.

As a devout Catholic, as well as having earned a master’s degree in medical science, she understood everything I spoke about regarding the neurological topics I’ve discussed along with the philosophical and theological conclusions I’ve come to and have been speaking about with you dear listeners, along with how she’d probably word it: the weird and bizarre things I speak about that seem to sound almost biblical and have caught her off guard on a couple of occasions.  Though I speak to her about these things and even though her jaw dropped when I showed her the depth of the symbol for this, the mystical experience, which honestly, I’ve shared only the crust of the pizza so far with you listeners; she’s still sort of on edge regarding that which I speak about since she isn’t sure what it means.  I don’t know what further purposes God has to all of this either, I just know what I’ve seen and understood and that I’m supposed to talk about it and not just ponder it to myself any further or solely rely on writing it down, which was as I’ve kind of stated my modus operandi for over a decade.

So she understood the comparison that finding your true self is also finding God and it agitated her because in her mind, picturing both herself now: working twelve hour shifts in an understaffed urgent care that continues to fail to provide PPE gear during this pandemic along with homeschooling two children under six years old, as well as picturing herself long ago as a single mother rushing to drop off her daughter at school in the morning, commuting to work, then desperate to get through traffic to pick up her daughter before the after school daycare starts adding dollars to every minute past 6pm with their weird entire business model almost revolving around how much money they can suck out of a parent with that daily roulette of how Southern California traffic will destroy a single parent on this day or that.

So, in her mind her question was, “How on Earth is somebody that is barely able to survive their day, swamped in the hustle and bustle, the daily grind of work in life, how is somebody in this state of life even able to ask themselves or question within their hearts regarding their true self?  How on earth is somebody like this supposed to find God if their true self is what is made in the image of God?”

A very deep question, comment, remark in my opinion, and one that caught me off guard to be honest, since again, I have the person in my mind I’m speaking to while she had her idea of herself along with other swamped individuals in mind as people listening to these strange and bizarre yet always logical words that I speak.

Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All Rights Reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.


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